Really Long Overdue Update…

I’ve finally settled into a new college, having left Elstree in the hope of getting somewhere…

I joined a West Herts Campus, with Charlie, but he’s left now… He’s doing really well. He’s bought himself a GrandMA2 lighting desk, and I think he’s getting an ION too. He’s currently torn between Italia Conti with Jack and Toby (guys on my course), and Panto at the Beck Theatre.

My mental state has been a bit off recently, and I think I’ve lost a few friends. However, I have fixed my friendship with Cameron, so not all is lost.

Life is looking up again. I’ve probably jinxed it, but at the moment, most things are working out.
I’ve got my first major show next week.
An actual show. Something I’ll be marked on and credited for, rather than the MOBO shit that one, no one was credited for and two, was almost a complete waste of time.

I’ve stopped writing for a quite a long time. I know. It’s awful. But I needed a break from what Elstree’s Creative Writing class put me through.

I’ll try to post more often now.


Everyone has a friend they would do anything for.

I just wish I had one too. I wish I had a friend who called me the moment they thought something was wrong. Or who knew where I was when I needed to be carried away from a fight. I wish I had a friend who sat with me when I was in hospital… Or who could prevent my suicidal thoughts… More than anything, I wish a had someone who cared.

So, Sparky… I’m sharing my life with you, but I wish you could really see me.

My Apologies To You, Friend.

I wish to make amends for our previous discussion.

My overreaction is due the stress I am facing of both the injury I sustained last night and the fact I will be returning to hospital at some point in the very near future. I realise that is, of course, no reason to take out my fears on you. 

And again, I apologise.

Take care, and I hope to see you on Friday.

Seriously Long Overdue Update

Everything has been mental over the past few weeks. 

At the moment, I’m Lighting Assistant and DSM for the ALevel plays ongoing at my college.

No developments with Sparky, but hey ho. 

I’m listening to Defying Gravity – I spend too much time with Charlie. We’ve been listening to the Wicked soundtrack. 🙂


I’ve really neglected my blogs recently.

With so much going on (I’m being dragged into an investigation of an incident occurring last week…), I’ve slipped back into the depths of my mind.
Maybe I was forced there… No thanks to an ex friend of mine. *sigh*

I want to run from it all. I want to hide and let this shit storm pass over. I want it all to end.

I want my end. I want to not exist. I want my friends to be able to go without suffering because I’m a fucking mess. I want this to end.

It needs to end.

Casual Update – Don’t expect much.

Don’t expect much of my mental state at the moment – In photography with a couple friends. It’s not actually my lesson, but oh well.

So I’ve been listening to Paint again…

Duet With Myself is particularly funny, alongside After Ever After and Movie Villain Medley.

It’s a shame most of the people here are Jewish…


Thanks For Everything – Part Four

Hayley –

It’s been hell recently, but we got through it and I wouldn’t trade it for anything – it was that time that taught me who to trust.
You’ve shown me strength I couldn’t find previously, and I thank you deeply.

You’ve been fantastic.

Thank you for everything.

I hope your dance is going well.