I’ve reached the point that whenever I’m alone, I feel the need to cry. Most of the time, I control it.
However, the rest of the time, the feeling of being worthless, unimportant, Whatever words go with those, win. I feel genuinely useless a lot of the time. Cam says it’s because I get too stressed, and I know he’s right. But my life is stressful. And I can’t switch off. Everybody has a problem, and no one seems to remember that I’m broken and can’t help. I try. The only person I’ve ever really helped is Cam, and I destroyed any chance of being able to do that again when I hurt him. I still hate myself for it. He’s forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself. Not for hurting the best person I know.
At the end of the day, I just want someone to hold me and prove I’m worth giving a damn about. Because I’m not feeling that anymore.